october 2nd, 2008. thursday.

we do not have school tomorrow for reasons i do not know but i don't really care as long as i don't have to go to school. :D
i love october. i love fall. like its so pretty and the weathers so nice and its all.. humble-ish i guess. i love the whole simple, all natural thing sometimes (: i wish our leaves changed color. i totally am craving orange and red leaves falling off of trees. and grass. i wish we had more grass here lol. but its so beautiful in the fall. especially i love in the morning when i'm all alone walking to my bus stop and its dead quiet cause its early in the morning and you can just listen and look at the world. i know i'm weird haha. but i love that. wish there was a little bit better of a view though! i love every season though. there's things about every season that i think are beautiful and i love. the summer, i love like the evenings, when its not dark yet but its getting late and its kind of cool outside. and i love sitting outside and just enjoying it and being by myself with my thoughts (: nobody that really knows me would believe that but i really do. there are certain songs that every time i hear them i remember things that make me happy lol. like for example, this one song everyy time i listen to it i think of zack's family reunion and at the pool LOL.. good times. that was all pretty fun. and i love winter because i love how its cold and you wear jackets and the weather can get kind of gloomy but i love gloomy weather, i think its beautiful. it makes me happy. i love it even more when it rains. there's something about the rain that just like, takes me back to the basics and makes me appreciate things and really think about things. i think about things too much. i wonder weird things like "i wonder who named a car a car. i wonder why they named a daisy a daisy. i wonder why the person who made up the alphabet made it up in that order." lol. and i also love to look at snow, i do not like to get in the snow because its freezing but i like to look at it. sucks we don't get really any here. but when i go to utah in the winter i get to see it. about spring i love how everything likes comes to life. it'll come from being freezing and everything's dead and quiet to everything is bursting with life. we don't get a lot of flowers or anything here, but in other places, its beautiful and just gorgeous. also it kind of rains a lot in the spring which i absolutely ADORE. but yes, spring kind of wakes everybody up from the dull, somber mood they were in during winter. yess that is just.. my thoughts.. lol.
me & zack decided i'm going to watch the snow with him and i'll be like waiting for him by myself in the dark while he makes his hot cocoa and whatever and i'll hide and when he comes to sit by me i'll jump out of some place and scare him! it'll be fun. and funny.
yesterday was two things that were special. my baby, indi's, birthday. i think it was like his fifth (: he's so big. and it was me and zack's three month anniversary. it wasn't really the anniversary i was expecting cause we argued a bit but yeah. its alright. we'll have tons more anniversaries so no worries.
do you ever like, picture yourself in the future?
i do. every day. but it's hard. i mean, everybody knows what the expected life that everyone should supposedly want is. good grades all through school, get a scholarship and go to college, go to church, get a good job, get married, have kids, and grow old and die. that's what everyone is supposed to want. that's how it's supposed to go. but sometimes i wonder if that's what i want. nobody remembers the people that live that life. and i want to leave my mark before i die. i probably won't, because i don't really know how.. you could be wild at school, and everyone would remember you forever when they graduate, you could mess up your grades and speak your mind and people would REMEMBER you. and it wouldn't even matter, because you're gonna die anyway! and everything you learned at school won't matter anymore. nothing is gonna MATTER when you die. but the legacy you left behind IS gonna matter and be remembered. like seriously, think about your great great grandkids. they're gonna be able to say "my great great grandma was shy throughout school. but she got good grades. she never really did anything exciting though." and they're never gonna be able to tell people that their grandma was.. a celebrity, or she invented something or discovered something or saved someone from falling off a cliff or anything like that! they're not gonna have anything to brag about. but the life that their grandma lived is the life society tells you you're supposed to live.
haha see how much i think about things?
well... later. happy october :)